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19-Jan-2017 04:54

After all, many individuals find it difficult to avoid or get out of the "friend zone" and build a romantic connection with a friend (see here and here).

Similarly, "nice" men and women often feel like they finish last in relationships, being picked over for "bad" boys and girls who appear more desirable (see here).

Participants who had been jilted showed an increased desire to obtain the prizes or rewards they had been denied, as compared to non-jilted participants.

However, those jilted participants also demonstrated significantly liking for the prizes/rewards once they were obtained than non-jilted participants did—in fact, they were more willing to trade the prizes for something else.

Even those in long-term relationships who fall into friendly, companionate love sometimes need help re-sparking attraction and passion.

Lusting While Loathing I uncovered an article by Litt, Khan, and Shiv (2010) titled .

The researchers then measured how much participants liked and desired to obtain the various prizes or rewards.

The results of both experiments supported a distinction between liking and desiring—as well as the possibility of the processes working in opposition.

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In contrast, getting the reward made them like it more, but less motivated to work to obtain more of it. As we can conclude from the research above, passionate love and friendly liking can sometimes conflict with one another.

In other words, satisfying your partner's needs or wants increases how much they satisfying a partner's needs may keep them passionately pursuing you and trying to please you, but will eventually lead to dislike, dissatisfaction, and animosity.



Written by Dr. Margaret Paul, This guest blog is from YourTango expert and therapist Dr. Margaret Paul, who addresses one of the toughest dilemmas we face in dating. James, in his mid-30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children. After dating many women, he met Cindy. “She is.… continue reading »


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Oct 15, 2015. It doesn't have to be a choice between romance or friendship.… continue reading »


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The Secret to Turning Friendship Into Romance. Relationships can develop. This finding left me wondering whether this distinction between liking/friendship and desiring/attraction could be behind other romantic issues as well. After all, many individuals. Until next time.happy dating and relating! Dr. Jeremy Nicholson.… continue reading »


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Another important consideration is that “if your friend feels the same way as you do, and you transition into dating, work to continue acting the same way you did before the relationship started. Don't suddenly act closed off or start trying too hard just because you're dating. Your friend was attracted to you for who you are as a.… continue reading »


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